Be the field
I've been reflecting about leadership, about parenting and about oneself leading oneself. I thought about a nerdy physics analogy: the particle vs. the field.
What you're trying to do is influence others or yourself to move in a particular direction: towards a goal or a vision, and in a manner consistent with a mission, values or principles. You're also there supporting the actual progress, because there's always resistance from obstacles, distractions, adversity, temptations and all that.
Whether you're leading people, educating kids or pushing for your own progress, it can be really exhausting to zoom in and try to micromanage every little move. It can easily become exasperating, actually, because it's often one step forward and two steps back, and you just don't understand why.
The physical analogy I'm thinking of is a bunch of charged electrical particles in some medium, being kicked around and following some very noisy, apparently random Brownian motion (for you nerds). Good luck trying to talk every individual particle into moving in the right direction. Instead, imagine applying an electrical field. The particles will still make little random movements, but on average and over time, the field causes all the particles to drift in a coherent direction.
As a leader, a parent, or even as the guide to yourself, don't waste effort trying to manage every little movement of every particle. Zoom out and focus instead on: what field do you need to exert? How can you be the field, and not worry too much about the random idiosyncrasies of the particle?
What does it mean to be a field?
I think it means consistency and repetition, and being a calm and constant force. It means patience and it means deep trust in the process: if you keep applying the field consistently over time, if you keep showing up every day, then over time you will see coherent progress.
As a leader, being a field means repeating the same very clear and consistent message all the time. It means responding and acting in a self-consistent way. The field is the vision you want for the team, a clear articulation of goals and a plan that are aligned with that vision, and the patience to repeat and explain all these things over and over again. Ah, and it means walking the walk: the hard culling decisions and the investment and prioritization decisions need to be fully aligned with the field.
As a parent, it's probably quite similar. Being a field means leading by example, repeating the same consistent messages, and being especially patient, compassionate and caring. Because raising children and building a family isn't like making a business succeed, you probably also want huge doses of compassion and forgiveness, of the unconditional kind.
With oneself, being a field can mean having mantras you repeat to yourself every day, perhaps while investing in mindfulness and meditation. It means consistent practice, obsessing less about progress towards your goals every day and every hour, and focusing on whether you're forming the right habits which over time will get you where you want to be.
Of course people and oneself aren't just particles. We're humans with emotions, and so you need to listen, show compassion and be adaptive. But if you find yourself exhausted, thinking why the hell is progress so noisy, random and sometimes firing backwards, take time to zoom out and think about the bigger scale forces at play.
Be the field.